Another Avery Edison thing. RSSArchiveTumblr (3.0; @answeringyahoos)http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/<img src="http://1.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kut9zpSCdc1qzvgago1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>When I save these as jpegs to later upload, I give them descriptive file names, because memory is semantic. This one was simply called “yikes.”</p> <p>Still, maybe I’m being a pessimist. Maybe these people have found true love, and are lucky enough to realize it. I can only assume that the gentleman in this relationship was in possession of the lady’s glass slipper. Or perhaps he rescued her from a tower by climbing her hair? Maybe he awoke her from a curse with only his kiss.</p> <p>Do you get it? Because true love only happens in fairy tales, guys. That’s the joke.</p>http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/287802681http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/287802681Thu, 17 Dec 2009 14:26:13 -0500<img src="http://4.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kut9ogcbK81qzvgago1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Once in a while on Yahoo<i>!</i> Answers, you’ll find a question that cuts to the very core of the human condition.</p> <p>This is not one of those questions.</p>http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/287796648http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/287796648Thu, 17 Dec 2009 14:19:28 -0500<img src="http://7.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kupdx43MdP1qzvgago1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Well, that depends. Are you gonna tell them face-to-face, or go for something more elaborate? A skywriter could run you a pretty penny, for instance, but would certainly be effective.</p> <p>You could hire a spokesperson, that might be good. Maybe a barbershop quartet — they can sing a little song about your special day, and any friends you have left will be sure to remember.</p> <p>If I sound like I’m an expert on this situation, it’s because I’ve counseled others on it before. They have problems like this <i>all the time</i> in Sudan.</p>http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/284841347http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/284841347Tue, 15 Dec 2009 12:00:39 -0500<img src="http://6.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kogzmnjLXl1qzvgago1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>The “I’m glad I could help” is what really makes this. You can tell that ‘told you so’ is an altruist of the highest regard. Move over, firefighters! We’ve got a real hero on deck.</p> <p>Oh! And also they’re wrong. So there’s that.</p>http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/239410437http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/239410437Tue, 10 Nov 2009 15:11:32 -0500<img src="http://13.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kohvnyX5En1qzvgago1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>I’ve just spent half an hour browsing Yahoo<i>!</i> Answers, so I’m craving a blow to the head with a blunt object.</p> <p>Cricket bat. Kettle. Rock. Baseball bat. Table leg. Candlestick. Lead pipe. Butt of a gun. Anything. Anything to make the pain stop.</p> <p>…</p> <p>Actually, a strawberry smoothie does sound nice, lol</p>http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/239410306http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/239410306Tue, 10 Nov 2009 15:11:22 -0500<img src="http://19.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kohv9toKKI1qzvgago1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>I wish I could tell you (especially since you are requesting this information with such a noble goal in mind) but the ultimate swear word is known only to the rich, powerful, and famous.</p> <p>Your best bet will be to run away from your parents’ home, join the circus, and work your way through the rank until you become the headliner (perhaps as a strongman, or bearded lady, or dancing walrus — do you have a walrus costume?). Hopefully you will be spotted by a talent scout. All the best talent scouts look for fresh blood in travelling circuses.</p> <p>From there, you will become famous enough to learn the word, and finally get back at your parents.</p> <p>Also you’ll be rich enough to train a lion to eat them. Which is <i>awesome</i>.</p>http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/193413193http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/193413193Mon, 21 Sep 2009 11:38:29 -0400<img src="http://10.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kqbvedAUjZ1qzvgago1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>Oh, Yahoo<i>!</i> Answers, how I missed you.</p>http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/193412647http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/193412647Mon, 21 Sep 2009 11:37:25 -0400<img src="http://8.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kogzxkyKwQ1qzvgago1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>This is full of win.</p>http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/164977244http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/164977244Mon, 17 Aug 2009 12:35:12 -0400<img src="http://3.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kodkcszrVm1qzvgago1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>Birds of prey worrying you, huh? Well, that’s smart thinking, but you seem to be entirely disregarding Hank the Dog-Stealing vampire.</p>http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/162889494http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/162889494Fri, 14 Aug 2009 12:26:52 -0400<img src="http://22.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kodjz2y8xX1qzvgago1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>YES. And you’re right on the money with the ‘Marxism’ thing. After all, there’s nothing more un-American than defending our freedom of speech!</p> <p>WOO PATRIOT ACT, WOO!</p>http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/162884707http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/162884707Fri, 14 Aug 2009 12:18:38 -0400<img src="http://7.media.tumblr.com/QakBiHRfaqgdffhn4xoEtA2Oo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>That’s right — Yahoo<i>!</i> Answers just got <i>meta</i> on your ass.</p>http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/150925955http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/150925955Tue, 28 Jul 2009 12:12:34 -0400<img src="http://12.media.tumblr.com/QakBiHRfaq7qefvoCxURKh6Ro1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>I keep telling the bitch, <i>she’s filling out the wrong forms</i>. She needs to use black ink on a HT439-B, <i>not</i> an HT439-<i>A</i>. </p> <p>To tell you the truth, though, I don’t think it’s going to happen. I mean, we kind of already have the positions filled, you know? And there’s only so many people you can fit in a single Trinity. Three. It’s three people.</p> <p>I guess we could kick someone out. I think you know who I’m referring to. Holy Ghost hasn’t been pulling his weight for a while now, but I just don’t want to think about what he’d do if he got laid off. I mean, the guy has close to <i>zero</i> skills, and I think he’s a little retarded. You want to be the one to fire him? Be my guest. But I’m not gonna sit him down and tell him not to come in to work anymore. Especially since last time I saw him he sat on my shoulder and tried to lick my ear.</p>http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/146830311http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/146830311Wed, 22 Jul 2009 11:05:47 -0400<img src="http://1.media.tumblr.com/QakBiHRfaq7q1nnt7ZmF0mS1o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>“First they came for the light bulbs, but I did not speak up, because I was not a light bulb. And then I tripped over because it was dark.”</p>http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/146825446http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/146825446Wed, 22 Jul 2009 10:55:51 -0400<img src="http://11.media.tumblr.com/QakBiHRfapxthpqlpmW1vwkWo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>Preaching to the choir, buddy.</p>http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/142202537http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/142202537Wed, 15 Jul 2009 12:34:37 -0400<img src="http://14.media.tumblr.com/QakBiHRfapxtgt0csFAjTJZdo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>1) How many squirrels, <i>per year</i>, nest in this apartment? Ask for bar charts/evidence.<br/> 2) Is there effective protection from the Huns?<br/> 3) How much per month does it cost? How many square feet is it? Is there a water meter?<br/> 4) Why can’t I sleep at night?<br/> 5) Seriously, why can’t I sleep at night?<br/> 6) Why do I toss and turn and pray for relief and wait for it to come and scratch at the bed, the walls, my skin, the darkness closes and everything is near and far and god oh god why can’t I sleep?<br/> 7) Is dishwasher included?</p>http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/142202156http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/142202156Wed, 15 Jul 2009 12:33:55 -0400<img src="http://21.media.tumblr.com/QakBiHRfapwiebpb6TQz9Wqxo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>More like reoccurring <i>questions</i>, amirite?</p>http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/141593447http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/141593447Tue, 14 Jul 2009 14:36:17 -0400<img src="http://1.media.tumblr.com/QakBiHRfapwibj3yANtVQwPDo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>Don’t sweat it — the name you give your child is totally unimportant. It’s just a label, something useful for getting their attention and claiming their stuff. The real substance of your child’s upbringing, of his personality, of his <i>being</i> will only be influenced by your actual parenting. Worry about keeping him safe, fed, happy and clean. Everything else is better put out of your mind. Your son will still be your son, no matter what you name him. Every name will fit equally well, and every name will sound just as good when you say it to reference, for the first time, a human being that you created out of almost nothing.</p> <p>The name doesn’t matter. Which is why you should call him Penis Gaylord.</p> <p>Trust me on this.</p>http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/141592438http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/141592438Tue, 14 Jul 2009 14:34:07 -0400<img src="http://5.media.tumblr.com/QakBiHRfapqvk735mPvzChMUo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>I believe that we’re all in agreement that Hollywood needs to option this question and turn it into next summer’s blockbuster. I mean, this story has it all: love; a best friend with a name that is impossible to type into a computer (possibly alien/dolphin hybrid?); and a <b>dojo school</b>. I’m already calling Fandango for tickets.</p>http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/139211319http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/139211319Fri, 10 Jul 2009 15:58:09 -0400<img src="http://21.media.tumblr.com/QakBiHRfapqv83zugRcK6sqso1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>We don’t even need to see the body of the question here. When someone asks on Yahoo<i>!</i> Answers if they’re imagining something, it’s almost always “ghosts”. The few times they’re not asking about ghosts? They’re still asking about ghosts. That’s how much these idiots ask about ghosts.</p> <p>To actually answer this particular question — no, your house is not haunted. You are not feeling a “presence”. Stop drinking caffeine so close to bedtime.</p>http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/139207061http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/139207061Fri, 10 Jul 2009 15:48:45 -0400<img src="http://18.media.tumblr.com/QakBiHRfappgnu74sxzZBctGo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>Yeah, I’m pretty sure we’re all on some kind of list because we’ve read this question.</p>http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/138577768http://answeringyahoos.tumblr.com/post/138577768Thu, 09 Jul 2009 16:13:18 -0400